Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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