lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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