Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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