One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
