I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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