Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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