Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
