I think I am morally bankrupt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
