dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
