Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
