Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
