When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
