i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
