Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
