lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
