I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
