i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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