Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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