we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
