I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
