Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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