dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
