She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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