Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
