hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Randomize
