i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
