I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
