Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
