theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
