champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
