i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
