she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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