I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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