That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
