I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
