i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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