Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
