this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
