yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I believe in your delicious
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
