I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
