No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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