I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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