Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
