i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
