I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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