I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
