Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
