I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
