thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
