I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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