My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
