I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
