Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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